Monday        4.52 A.M


Tick tock tick tock. Time is of the essence. I can feel it pass by, second by second. When I look at the clock, precious hours. Yet I still refuse to spend my last weekend before trials to study. Instead, I stay up late til 4 to watch movies, wake up at 11am and read 1.5 inches storybooks. I've watched Treasure Island and read Eragon again only to be sucked into their world and as I reluctantly leave them, pathetically wonder what I'm doing with my very much mundane life.

I feel it even now. 5 minutes have past from what it seems to be only 60 seconds. I know it, all the big successful people say value your time, once lost never ever get it back. Yet I keep allowing myself to spend my days feeling like a zombie with the excuse that I just don't know what to do. I've woken up early sometimes, 3-4 hours early. I most certainly feel much fresher, but after bath and breakfast ( and the occasional jog ), I am stuck on what I should spend my next 15 hours doing. I play a little piano, check my emails some and I've killed a total of 1 hour. Even online lists of 'what to do when you're bored' doesn't pique my interest. Sometimes I even go back to a few hours of sleep just to kill time. 


In 3 hours, my evaluation trials starts. The subjects are Malay and History, both of which I honestly haven't studied for and I am well aware that I am neither good at both subjects nor have I paid full attention in class. In fact, I slept in most History classes and doodled in most Malay classes. Even my love and respect for my really generous and thoughtful Malay teacher doesn't seem to strike me to make an effort. 


Why? Well I don't know honestly. Maybe I just don't care or maybe I'm just plain lazy. It's probably both but  call me emo, I feel like I'm going void. Like I'm undecided, stuck between worlds. Fantasy worlds, fashion world, my own world. Yep, so emo. 


It's 5.19A.M.